you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
