wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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