bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize