Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
