yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
