I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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