This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
