i don't like sucking hair
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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