I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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