Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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