i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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