I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
