it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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