My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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