come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
