Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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