Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
