The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
