i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
