Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
