I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
