I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
