Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
