9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
