pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I intend to get homeless drunk
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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