the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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