i don't like sucking hair
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
