Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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