yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
