if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
