with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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