maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
