i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Randomize
