When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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