Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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