You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
