took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
