Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
