I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Actions speak louder than pants.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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