I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is wine microwaveable?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
