Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
