Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You ruined the universe
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
