It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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