MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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