You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
