i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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