that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
