Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
