so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I didn't notice because vodka
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
