I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
