That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
