and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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