So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
