3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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