My room smells like vodka and shame
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize