she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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