i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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