I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
