Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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