Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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