Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
