I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
