Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
