Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
