Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
