There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
