before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
