Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
