You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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