Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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