I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
