are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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