How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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