the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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