i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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