You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize