I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
