just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
