I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize