Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize