Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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