YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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