it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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