Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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