it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
