The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can't put those talents on a resume
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize